I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
