i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
