im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
