I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
