It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
