I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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