I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
