Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
