ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
