We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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