Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
