dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
