did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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