Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
