The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
