whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are the jesus of drinking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
