My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
