Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
