my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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