I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
