My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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