Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
