The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
