At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
