i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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