so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
