we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
