YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
