i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
