We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
