i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
