so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize