Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
