i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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