i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
