hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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