You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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