good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
