I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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