Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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