On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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