i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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