she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
