Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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