I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
