Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
