There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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