she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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