there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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