I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
