some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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