someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
