Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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