I wish I could teleport
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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