So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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