Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
