Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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