I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
