i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
