I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
