I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
