i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize