Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
