Your face is a jimmy john
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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