If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
